“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”… Shakespeare

Being apart from your spouse can be a shattering experience at first. After one has grieved, adopting a positive attitude towards stepping into a new life can be exciting! By taking advantage of the freedom that comes with a single life, newly divorced individuals are able to create a life based on what they love. This opportunity is actually a blessing, for instead of giving love to another person in a relationship, a single person has the ability to give that love to themselves and cultivate and nurture who they are. In doing so they not only are able to create their own life, they are able to learn to fill their own needs and become self sufficient person. Once this has developed, they are so much more whole as they enter into a new love relationship.

There are, however, many reasons why divorce recovery can be a slow and painful process.  If one has been rejected in a relationship, they experience a huge plummet in their self esteem. Being single often causes a feeling of deep loneliness in not being whole without someone to share daily life with especially if one was married for a long period of time. Divorcing also shatters the hopes and dreams one may have had of living happily- ever- after. This grieving of the life a person thought they would have is normal and takes time. Divorced individuals need time to acclimate themselves to the new single life they now have.

Once one has grieved the loss of their marriage, the next painful emotion many people feel is the fear of being single. Divorce individuals often wonder how in the world they will cope as a single person.  As   married individuals, many people had merged their identity  so closely with their spouse’s  that defining themselves as a single is like having an identity that in comprised of half of a couple rather than as an individual. Such identity crisis can cause feelings of doubt in one’s ability to survive, be of use in the world, or find love and happiness again.

Thankfully, the reality is that despite the heart wrenching pain that come as a result of divorce, happiness, fulfillment and a full live is not only possible, it has been achieved by millions of people who have experienced the sad emotions attached with grieving this loss. But the journey to such happiness takes time and effort. Reinventing yourself as a single person will be challenging, but through patience and positive thinking, it is attainable and the rewards that accompany it are a gift that one earns that can never be taken away.

In their book, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, Robert Alberti and Bruce Fisher state, “Singleness has become an acceptable alternative in our society. A generation or two ago, a single person was looked upon in the community as one who just did not quite make it to the altar.” As popular beliefs have changed with society’s transitions, single people must also change their own perceptions. This shift in thinking requires a change of the mind. Singleness can be a productive and happy experience if it is consciously thought of in that way. As sighted in Shakespeare’s fine quote above, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”  Our mind is our greatest gift, one that we have the ability to draw upon at any time to shift our thinking from negative and fearful to positive and with great excitement merely by choosing to do so! How fabulous is that?

Some people discover to their surprise that the single life following divorce is full of new advantages. In such cases, their marriages were barriers to the lives they wanted; now they are free to live life to the fullest. This is not to suggest that marriage is a bad thing, or that single people are always happier than married people. But not all relationships are completely beneficial; one that involves physical or psychological abuse, a power imbalance, even boredom and monotonous routine, is repressive and unhealthy for both people. Renewed singlehood is often a major turning point in lives like this.

In moving into a rewarding single life, keep the following tips in mind to cultivate a beautiful friendship with the best friend you will ever have, you!

1. Be Conscious of What You Tell Yourself- Negative thoughts are dangerous and keep us from moving forward. Cultivate an optimistic attitude and good fortune will follow.
   
   
2. To Thy Own Self Be True- Take time to ask yourself what you need and listen carefully to what answer comes up for you. By listening carefully to what you need and nurturing yourself by filling your own needs, you will allow yourself the opportunity to grow and flourish into who you were meant to be.
3. Take Your Time- There is no hurry to figure out who you are, what you should be doing and who you should be with. As one adjusts to single life, gentleness and respect for the need for a slow pace allows one to grow into this new phase of life. In order to grow, patience and time are a must.
4. Be Curious- Use this new time to take a deeper look at who you are as if you are in an exploration phase of your life. Evaluate what brings you joy, what you are passionate about and what you are naturally inclined to do. By moving toward this you will feel more in lined with who you are meant to be.
5. You Already Have What You Need to Be Happy-   Tap into your strengths so you can capitalize on them to build a life that is meaningful to the unique person that you are.

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